Posted by: grantahelms | December 3, 2011

Where do we go from here?

In last nights post, I mentioned some of the stressors in my life. But as the title says, ” Where do we go from here?” In this segment, I am talking about the children. In previous posts I have discussed the tenderness that I have in my heart for children. All children, not just mine. In this particular instance, the mother is a close friend of ours. For several years it seems that she has hit a run of bad luck. Well, I guess if we’re being honest, it’s a run of bad choices.

As we all know, youth typically comes with bad choices. When you have children, you do not have this luxury. Two weeks ago she asked if we could watch the children for a few days because she needed to straighten some things out. Then Sunday, she wanted to know if we could watch them indefinitely because of some legal issues. Well, if you’re ever faced with this, this is the point that you put your money where your mouth is. If you really care, about anybody, you could never say “NO”. No matter what choices the parents have made, the children shouldn’t suffer. Of course, we said yes. But after not hearing from the mother for 48 hours, we regretfully called Child Services because we needed some verification on what to do. Friday we found out that the children WILL be with us for a while.

So, where do we go from here? Roof, water, food, bed, education,love (lots of it)…but these are the necessities. What do children who have been removed from their parents really need? So far, we have told them that Mommy loves them very much but that she had to take a vacation and she wanted them to stay with us. They seem to be OK with this, so KUDO’s. Settle in without undo stress. Began routine 2 weeks ago. Lunch at noon, nap, dinner at 6, no drink after 7, brush teeth and go to bed at 8. Two older children will be starting back to school on Monday. Are we forgetting anything? If you’ve ever been faced with a similar situation, we would appreciate any insight that you can give. And, before you say it, we will not take these children away from the mother. When she has fixed her life, and Child Services says they can go home, we WILL welcome her back with open arms.Thanks, Grant

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Responses

  1. Private time with one or both of you for each of them.
    Answer their questions as best you can.
    Small things that are theirs and theirs alone, things they can hang on too.

    You have established routines, that is good.

    I hate to say it, but going back to their mother may be a long time coming so be prepared for the long haul and some hard questions. Don’t lie, eventually you will get caught out and having to back track is worse than just telling the truth now. It doesn’t have to be the whole truth just age appropriate truth.

    Church, school, friends.

    Tell the school what is going on so the can watch for any inappropriate behavior on the part of the older children and you can help them over the hurt.

    Been here and done this. It is really hard. Good luck, I am sure you will do grandly.

    • Thanks Val. Have only told the children that Mommy went on vacation.

    • Thanks Val. If you think of anything else, you know how to reach me, Grant

  2. You have just gotten some fabulous advice. All I would add is they are yours. I know you love them…seen it. Truth, stability, love…and keeping adult conversations out of earshot of little ones. No need for them to hear the politics, good or bad. Bad, obvious reasons. Good, so they do not get their hopes up too quickly.

    Remember to ask them for their opinions. They need to feel like they are totally integrated into your home.

    You both are doing a wonderful thing for them. Love you,
    Red.


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