Posted by: grantahelms | April 15, 2012

My Journal Revisited

While working on my previous post, I commented that I was using an excerpt from an old journal from 2009. Today I have decided to use a full entry. I hope you enjoy and I pray that you will search your own heart.

September 21, 2009    During a recent study that I have undertaken, the question has been raised about an examined life. This particular issue focus’ on things such as relationships, work ethics, family values and the age-old question” Why am I here?”. Reflecting on such things has brought me joy, but at the same time has brought me much disappointment. While I revel in the fact of all the good that I accomplish every week, I am sadly discouraged by the many opportunities that are missed. I think of the Sunday’s spent in worship and fellowship, and the other six days missed worship with my family at home. I think of the time spent helping family and friends, but being to busy to invite a stranger to church. I think of cutting my customers some slack to save them money, then not giving God what is rightfully his. I preach to my children about reading their Bible, and then I don’t read mine. The list could go on indefinitely. Then when I study the main question,” Why am I here?”, I find myself asking many more questions. Why don’t I study my Bible daily? Why don’t I pray more intimately? Why have I never been led to study the Bible with my children? With my wife? Why do I struggle daily with lust? Why do I constantly struggle with things that I KNOW God has forgiven me for? Each time the Devil puts this “self-doubt” in my head, I have to smile because I know that the war is already won. I know that Jesus died on the cross for me. Yes he died for Abraham, Moses, Peter, Paul, Martin Luther and Billy Graham, but more importantly he died for ME!

I realize that being human we will make mistakes, we will sin daily and we will crucify the Lord over and over again. However, our purpose is to strive to be like Christ. He doesn’t expect us to be perfect and that may be one of the most important things that we will ever learn. In the first chapter of Genesis, we find the creation story. It tells us that everything that God created was good, not perfect. If God doesn’t expect perfection, why do we? Why do we get so upset when things don’t go perfectly? Why do we get so upset when someone we know, or care for, falls away from Christ? Why do we act differently toward someone who drinks, smokes or uses drugs? What about unwed mothers or single parents? Jesus said that he came to find that which was lost. He came to heal those who were sick. It is not our job to tell them that they are lost or sick, it is our job to lead them to the Great Physician. It is our job to live a life that is pleasing to God and one that is “a light unto the world”. In order to make my light brighter, I have been striving to work on my short-comings. I find that if I pray before I study, and use my Bible to cross-reference, that I pray more intimately when I end the study. I have also been learning to move immediately if I feel the Lord wants to use me. This has caused some conflict at work, but after all it is God’s business. He gave it to me, so I gave it back. I still feel like I am failing at home, but it’s hard teaching an old dog new tricks. I am confident that the Lord has a solution, I just pray that it’s not to late.

In the past 2 1/2 years some things have changed, some haven’t. We’re still reaching out to others. My wife and I have been through a marriage seminar which has helped us to talk some about things that we never discussed before. 2 of our children have moved out, but for the time being we have 4 more. And I still try to be prepared when God want’s to use me. What about you? Have you examined your life lately? And been honest with yourself? God Bless You, Grant



  1. Beautiful words 🙂

    • Thanks One Breath, I always said that if you write from the heart, it is what needs to be said. God Bless You, Grant

  2. I found this blog interesting
    Please visit my blog as well and leave a reply

    • Thanks Mojtaba. Glad that you found these words interesting. Also enjoyed your blog. God Bless You, Grant

  3. Grant you have helped many people in your life and you do a fine job at it. When the Lord is ready to use you more than he already has, you will know it. Until then you just keep doing what it is that you are good at, helping other. I know just how good your help can be first hand, so just be you and always stay ready. God Bless you and Sue and the kids. Love you much.

    • Thanks Jim, One of the main verses that I strive to remember is to be ready to serve in season and out. Thanks for everything. Love you too. God Bless You, Grant

  4. The questions are good ones. Sin is no longer the boss, but it sure has a big mouth still. I think these are things we all need to come to grips with. The good news is that the sin has been paid for, we just need to freely receive the forgiveness.

    • Thanks Derek. I really needed the encouraging words and boost at this time. Right now for me is one of those times to ” not get weary in doing good”. Thanks for your prayers. God Bless You, Grant

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