Posted by: grantahelms | December 26, 2013

Merry Christmas



I know that I am a day late, but to all who read this I hope you had a wonderful day. Whether your day revolved around a fat jolly man saying HoHoHo, or around a child in a manger I wish you the best.

I had a great time watching the presents being opened. Wide eyes and wonder as each piece of paper came off. It was a time of reflection over my last 23 years as a father. I remember when my sons were small and had the same looks on their faces. Yesterday however, I was watching the faces of my special friends children. Then as I watched my grandson opening his presents, my heart was greatly touched. This is what life is about. The joy of giving without thoughts of anything in return. Smiles. Excitement. Then as I went to deliver presents to my sons, a sense of relief came over me. This was a time to look past all the burdens of the year, and enjoy the moment. And I did. For a short time.

For those who don’t already know, I left home 7 weeks ago. Unlike some theories, it was not a sudden change. Sudden is like a car wreck. However, if you see your oil pressure dropping, then hear a slight ticking noise and continue to drive it, it shouldn’t surprise you when one day it goes BANG!! The engine is lost forever. This is what happened to my marriage.

Don’t get me wrong, I still love my wife. She is the mother of my children, and I will always have a place for her in my heart. Those who know us to the core will, and have, understood why I left. Now I would like to specify a few misnomers that have been floating around.

1) I am not depressed! During a recent doctors visit, my General Practitioner came to the conclusion that I didn’t need to be taking Cymbalta for depression. At the request of my wife, I am going for a second opinion, with a mental expert, to alleviate all doubts.

2) I am actually getting healthier. Since I left home, I have not eaten any noodles or hot dogs or other processed meats. If I have sausages, they are rendered down to remove most fats. Then they are added to other meals such as Gumbo or Stirfry. I have also made a major reduction in my intake of Mountain Dew. I may have 2 per week now, compared to 6 per day prior. All foods are cooked in a combination of herbs and seasonings to reduce salt content. End result is that I have lost 20 pounds in 7 weeks.

3) My stress levels are down. The only supporting evidence that I have of this, is that I smoke half as much. And the fact that my blood pressure is down 35%.

4) I am a sinner! I can’t argue with that. Just like everyone that I know. We are ALL sinners and have fallen short of the glory of God. But my sin is more Picturesque than most peoples sin. I am living with a single woman. I know that has to be worse than looking at pornography, gossiping about your neighbors or even reading romance novels. So therefore, I am guilty.

I have digressed from the simple Merry Christmas that I had wished for, but my heart is heavy over all the things that I have done to ruin my life. Guess I should be Holy and dead, instead of happy and healthy. If I don’t hear from you again because you are offended, Happy New Years in advance. I love you all. Even my virtual friends.

“Have you ever made a major life change that has been considered the biggest mistake of your life”

” What is the best way to move on but still let those in your past know that you will always love them? Is it possible?”

“What is the best way for those left behind to move on?”

Thanks for all comments. Just remember, I love y’all.



  1. I cannot say a single thing. I don’t believe in sin. I believe in choice; choice for good or ill, but choice. You are doing what is best, I think you know it.

    I don’t think you can say “I will always love you”, and “I will not be here anymore”. I think it is deceptive and unfair. I think you can say I am grateful for the time we had together when we were equally yoked, when we treated each other with respect and care. I think you can say I am grateful for the care you gave to our children and I will always treat you with respect because of this and the years we spent together.

    When you say, “I will always love you”, you leave the door open and hope open. This is especially true if only one person wanted out. The best way for both people to move on is when ties that bind are truly and honestly severed and hope is not allowed to burn.

    Happy New Year, I hope you continue to see your health improve.

    • Thanks Val. Point well taken. Happy New Years to you also.

  2. Most of my life changes which others thought were unmitigated disasters in the moment turned into phenomenal additions to my day-to-day existence.

    Love is a horrible English word. When you tell someone with whom you are no longer amorous “I still love you,” they hear “I love you the way I did when I first loved you.” Inevitably, the love you feel after the fact is very different. “I still love you” leaves the hope one day the stars will align again and the glory days will return. Yes, it is possible to still love them, but the phrasing must be different to reflect the difference in the feelings.

    In a word? Reality. For many, it is difficult to accept change, especially emotional change. I am reserving the remainder of my opinion for an upcoming post on the matter.

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